How our beloved Brands became Foreign Affairs
Ah, Britain! Land of the stiff upper lip, tea, and iconic brands that once epitomized British ingenuity and craftsmanship. Picture this: a Rolls-Royce gliding down cobbled streets, a KitKat unwrapped on a rainy day, or a pint of Bass Ale at your local pub. Now, take a deep breath and prepare yourself for the shocking twist. Those cherished British brands? Many of them are now as British as bratwurst and baguettes.
From Tea Time to Takeover Time
Let’s start with something as quintessentially British as, well, tea. Typhoo Tea, the lifeblood of British afternoons, is now owned by an Indian conglomerate. It’s like selling sand to the Arabs, but here we are. And it doesn’t end with tea. Walkers crisps? American. Weetabix? American. HP Sauce? You guessed it – American. If only we could add a dash of patriotism to our plates.
The Astonishing Aston Martin Affair
Imagine James Bond without his Aston Martin. Perish the thought, right? Well, our suave spy might soon be driving something German. Aston Martin, along with Jaguar and Rolls-Royce, now flies the stars and stripes. Yes, these icons of British automotive excellence are owned by Ford and BMW. Next time you see an Aston Martin in a movie, remember it’s been outsourced to Detroit.
The Great Chocolate Heist
You’d think the Swiss would be satisfied with their own chocolate, but no. Nestlé gobbled up KitKat, Smarties, Aero, and Rolo when they bought Rowntree of York for a cool £2.5 billion. Now, even our sweets are subject to foreign affairs. Meanwhile, Cadbury, the crown jewel of British confectionery, nearly fell into the hands of the Americans at Kraft Foods.
The Sporting Shenanigans
Football – the beautiful game – is not spared. Manchester United, one of the richest football clubs in the world, is owned by the American Glazers. Fans mourned as a profitable club became a debt-ridden one overnight. Chelsea FC was owned by a Russian oligarch, and Liverpool is owned by Fenway Sports Group. It’s enough to make you wonder if there’s any British spirit left in the Premier League.
The Body Shop Brouhaha
Anita Roddick’s Body Shop, once a bastion of ethical retail, sold out to French cosmetics giant L’Oréal. The irony? The backlash wasn’t because it was a foreign takeover, but due to L’Oréal’s controversial stance on animal testing. It’s like discovering your favourite eco-friendly shampoo has been tested on Bambi.
A Titanic Transfer
Remember the grand old days of P&O Ferries, the symbol of British maritime prowess? Those days are long gone, as P&O is now under the UAE’s Dubai Ports World. It’s a bit like finding out your local fish and chip shop is now run by a sushi chef – just a tad disorienting.
The Takeover Tally
Here’s a snapshot of other famous British brands that have crossed borders:
Oxo: Now American, thanks to Campbell Soup.
Harry Ramsden’s: A fish and chip empire in Swedish hands.
Bass Ale: Owned by the Belgian behemoth, InBev.
The London Stock Exchange: Perpetually fending off foreign bids.
Heathrow, Gatwick, and Stansted Airports: All under Spanish ownership via BAA.
Hamleys: Once the world’s largest toy store, now a plaything for Icelandic investors.
The Unpatriotic Pound
Why, oh why, you may ask, does Britain so willingly part with its iconic brands? The answer lies in our love affair with capitalism. Unlike our European counterparts, who fiercely guard their industries, Britain embraces the open market. It’s a bit like throwing open the doors to your house and inviting strangers to redecorate. Sure, it’s thrilling, but don’t be surprised if your living room ends up looking like a Picasso painting – interesting, but not quite what you imagined.
A Final Farewell
So, as we sip our Typhoo Tea (courtesy of India) and nibble on a KitKat (thank you, Switzerland), let’s raise a toast to the brands that once were British. They’ve ventured far and wide, reflecting our island nation’s historical penchant for global trade. It’s a brave new world where our national treasures are global commodities, and we’re left to ponder – is there anything left that’s truly British?
The latest buzz around the UK is that the Czechoslovakians, are plotting to buy the Royal Mail. Yes, you heard it right – the very institution that keeps our letters and parcels moving across the UK might soon be in foreign hands. And while we might chuckle at their pun announcement that “the cheque is in the post,” we should be anything but amused. The Royal Mail is more than just a postal service; it’s a symbol of our national heritage and a lifeline for many communities. Allowing it to fall into overseas ownership risks losing control over our postal infrastructure, potentially leading to service cuts and prioritizing profits over people. Let’s not let our cherished Royal Mail become just another tick on the list of foreign acquisitions.
In this grand sell-off, let’s find solace in our quirky sense of humour and resilient spirit. After all, as long as we have our tea (no matter who owns it), we’ll be just fine. Cheers to that!
Do you have a subject you would like me to comment on? Let me know what really gets on your nerves or ‘Rips yer Knitting’ email: david@thelooker.co.uk